Welcome to another episode of Absurdica™, where logic takes a coffee break and nonsense reigns supreme ☕🚀. Today, we’re diving into the surreal, pancake-shaped world of Flat Earth theories — a place where science goes, “I’m outta here” and common sense is locked in a basement somewhere. 🧠🔒
Brace yourself. These theories are not just flat — they’re flat-out ridiculous. Let’s go! 🛸
1. The Earth Is Flat… and Surrounded by an Ice Wall 🧊❄️
According to Flat Earth lore, the edge of the world is guarded by a gigantic ice wall — kind of like Game of Thrones, but with fewer dragons and more Facebook conspiracy groups. 🐉📱
Apparently, this wall keeps the oceans from spilling over like a cosmic margarita. 🌊🍹
And who guards the wall? That’s right — NASA. 👨🚀🔫
Because nothing says “top secret” like government agents patrolling Antarctica 24/7 to keep you from falling off the map.
2. Gravity? Nah, It’s Just… Upward Acceleration 🪂⏫
In the Flat Earth multiverse, gravity doesn’t exist. Instead, the Earth is constantly accelerating upward — like a flying saucer stuck in first gear. 🛸💨
They claim we don’t fall because the ground is always catching up to us. Basically, gravity is just a myth invented by Big Globe™ to sell more globes. 🏀🧢
3. Planes Secretly Fly in Circles ✈️🔄
“Why don’t planes just fall off the edge?”
Easy: they’re flying in circles. All of them. Forever. Even your last Ryanair flight that smelled like mystery sandwiches and regret. 🥪😖
Pilots, of course, are in on it — sworn to secrecy by the Airplane Illuminati. 👨✈️🕶️
4. Space? CGI. Moon? A Lamp. 🌕💡
Flat Earthers are convinced that space is fake and the moon is just a giant LED nightlight for Earth’s bedtime routine. 🌙🛏️
NASA’s moon landing? Filmed in a Hollywood basement. Mars Rover? A glorified RC car in the Nevada desert. 🎥🏜️
The ISS? Just some guy in scuba gear in a pool. 🏊♂️👨🚀
5. Satellites Are Hanging on Balloons 🎈🛰️
Think all those satellites floating in orbit are high-tech marvels? Nope. Just balloons. Like… lots of balloons. Like birthday party on steroids levels of balloons. 🎉🎈
Because in Flat Earth world, it’s totally reasonable for weather data to come from flying party decorations.
6. Australia Doesn’t Exist 🇦🇺❌
We saved the weirdest for last: some Flat Earthers legit believe Australia is a hoax. That’s right — a hoax. The whole continent. 🐨🫠
They say Aussies are paid actors with funny accents and an unlimited supply of boomerangs.
Which means kangaroos? Also fake. Probably CGI. Or overgrown rats with springs. 🦘💻
Final Thoughts: Please Pass the Logic 🧃🧠
Look — we’re not here to mock belief systems (okay, maybe just a little 😅), but when your theory involves hiding continents and physics being an optional feature, you gotta expect some side-eye. 👀
Science might not always have all the answers, but we’re pretty sure the planet isn’t a cosmic frisbee. 🥏🌍
Still, we’re low-key impressed by the creativity. Like, if imagination could power rockets, Flat Earthers would’ve colonized Neptune by now. 🚀🧃
Stay curious. Stay weird. And remember: if you ever find the edge of the Earth, send us a postcard. Just don’t fall off. 📬🚧
🌀 Absurdica™ — Where logic vacations and nonsense books a five-star suite.