🌌 The Walmart Wormhole Theory
Some say it’s just a store. Others say it’s the interdimensional hub for beings not from this Earth.
Welcome to Walmart, where the rollback prices are cosmic and the customers? …well, not all of them are from this planet.
🛒👾 “Blending In” Is an Art
Aliens have studied Earth fashion — and totally misunderstood it.
That’s why you’ll find:
- đź‘˝ a 7-foot tall figure in Crocs and a Snuggie at 2 a.m.
- 🛸 shoppers with glowing eyes comparing ketchup brands.
- 🤖 one guy who tried to pay with galactic credits (which apparently scan as coupons).
No one bats an eye. Why?
Because Walmart at night is a lawless dimension, and we’ve all accepted it.
đź“· Caught on Camera?
Thousands of blurry, cursed photos have surfaced — some say they’re hoaxes, others say it’s just Larry from aisle 9.
But what if… it’s both?
“My cousin saw one levitating by the rotisserie chickens.” — Reddit user, possibly abducted
🎯 What Are They Buying?
- 🚪Batteries — to power their cloaking devices
- 🧴Vaseline — for unknown, probably sinister reasons
- 🍫 Hostess snacks — because apparently they don’t have Twinkies on Alpha Centauri
🚨 Government Denials (Obviously)
Every time someone uploads alien footage from Walmart, the video “mysteriously disappears” or is flagged as “grainy nonsense.”
Classic cover-up energy.
🔚 Conclusion: Stay Vigilant, Shop Responsibly
If you see someone:
- Wearing aluminum foil like haute couture
- Speaking fluent binary to the self-checkout
- Floating
…don’t panic. Just nod respectfully.
They might just be your new neighbor from Galaxy 9.