🧠 “Birds Aren’t Real” Was Just the Beginning…
Sure, some say pigeons are just birds.
But what if they’re more than that?
What if they’re watching you, reporting back to secret societies, and controlling the Wi-Fi signal in your neighborhood?
“They’re not pooping. They’re printing data.” — anonymous feathered insider
👁️ Clues Hidden in Plain Flight
Let’s review the evidence:
- 🏛️ They hang around government buildings like lobbyists with wings.
- 📷 Their eyes? Dual-lens surveillance cams.
- 🔺 Every time one flaps its wings, gas prices go up. Coincidence?
They move in triangles. You know who else loves triangles?
The Illuminati. 🎷
🕊️ The Secret Signals (Decoded)
Have you ever seen:
- A pigeon nod three times before taking off? → Message received.
- Two pigeons circling the same Starbucks twice? → Meeting in progress.
- A lone pigeon standing still, staring at you for 14 minutes?
→ Initiation test.
They speak in coos and codes, and their bread-based currency is stronger than the dollar.
🧥 Who’s Behind It All?
Whispers from park benches say there’s a council of five —
led by Grand Coommander Clawfrey, nesting deep in the Statue of Liberty’s crown.
They decide which politicians to poop on.
They pick which phone to make “mysteriously update overnight.”
They even decide… when pigeons disappear for “migration.” (Spoiler: it’s training camp.)
📡 Still Don’t Believe?
Ask yourself:
- Why haven’t you ever seen a baby pigeon?
- Why are pigeons in every major city but never on vacation?
- Why do they always know where your sandwich is?
The signs are there. You just have to look up. 🛸🕊️